her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
