hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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