I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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