I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
