your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
