You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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