My first STD was from a foam party
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
