When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
