I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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