Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Pooping to opera.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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