U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
