we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
