i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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