So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
