porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
