Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I am naked and annoyed.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
