I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Randomize
