# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So vagazzling was a success
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
