A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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