I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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