I looked at my own cervix.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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