Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
