went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
