found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
