Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize