For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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