I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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