There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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