I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
she was so not down for the gang bang
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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