loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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