i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
