I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
