do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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