If i come over, it means nothing
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
