Will you blow on my dice?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
