She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
