I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's never too late to be topless.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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