i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
