If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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