So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
