just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
