i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
