the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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