im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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