if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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