and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
