do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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