i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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