I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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