i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
