dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
