Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
